Review: Hot Tub Time Machine

Yeah...don't bother.

Hot Tub Time Machine is one of those rare films which has such a stupid name, you believe it must be better than it looks. It has to know what's up, to some degree, to give its self a title like that - since it's obviously not meant seriously. Not the case. The title is the best joke in the movie. I'm not exaggerating.

Cause there are no funny jokes. There are no unreasonably un-funny jokes either, just no good ones, and of course there could have been many. You'd expect at least a few, but all the movie knows how to do is be crude. I wish there was a more pointed way of saying that, but that's all there is to it. Squirrels get spewed at. Nudity occurs pointlessly. Instead of jokes there are swear words. I'm serious. Characters in comedies used to have to say things that amounted to punch-lines of sorts - in many cases they still do - but now they can get away with creatively lining together swear words and crude references in a nonchalant way. It's always good when the stupid, ugly guy in the scene shouts something profane about sex, right? You betcha.

No, its not. And it's not funny when Rob Cordery does it through out the entire length of Hot Tub Time Machine, either. He can be funny, but in this film he's atrocious. Terrible. Oh! He likes to drink and have sex! He's comically rude to people! What a characterization! And it doesn't get much better elsewhere. Craig Robinson, who plays Nick, is probably the clearest cut character as a man who's devoted to his allegedly fractured marriage. But he's not funny. Cusack isn't funny, and since we're watching Hot Tub Time Machine he can't deliver much depth either. There's a small, doughy fellow with them as well. He is not funny either.

No one is. No one in the entire movie is funny. Why? Why can't anyone be funny in a comedy? I'm not out for Groucho Marx or John Cleese, just someone funny - please. They can't even create an amusing prep-villain character despite having every chance in the world to. And, good lord, just one Better Off Dead or Say Anything jab, please? The movie takes place at a ski resort. The joke was practically written for you.

Chevy Chase is in this film. Guess how funny he is. Chevy Chase.

Yeah, remember when people dressed like that?

Even Charlie's Angels couldn't de-awesome Crispin.

Oh, but Crispin Glover is in it, too, and he's almost funny, for a minute, though this was probably an accident, as anytime Crispin Glover plays a bell-hop, you've got to at least smirk a little. Still, wasted otherwise. There's a gag where, having seen him one-armed in the future, the gang continues to wait for him to lose it in the past. I guaranty you this sounds about 10 times as funny as it actually is.

It's aiming for Hangover territory, obviously, and I haven't seen that but I'll go out on a limb and say it fails miserably. It fails miserably because, really, this had the potential to be the better film, as far as I'm concerned. There's more obvious opportunities with a premise like this than something as broad as a hang over in Las Vegas. Especially when you've got John Cusak in the bloody cast. Instead, we get a live cover performance of The Black Eyed Peas' "Lets Get it Started". ...Uh huh.

3/10

By Dave Beauchene