I read an annecdote today that has kept me laughing off and on into the evening. It haunted me through French class, even, instigating that hands over mouth, intermittent, silent spurts kind of torture which would leave you in a moment if you could just let it all the way out. It kept hitting me again ang again. It went like this:
A man who believed himself to have discovered the greater meaning to "T'was The Night Before Christmas" as well as the key to its essential and lasting popularity went to see Ray Bradbury speak in L.A. If you don't know who Ray Bradbury is, he's...well, Ray Bradbury - one of the greatest living American authors who's written some of the coolest stories I've ever read. He's getting on, as the English would say, now in his late 80's, and so is something of a living legend. He is eccentric, but, as legen has it, an amiable fellow.
And this man wanted to share his discovery with Bradbury. Why not? Ray's nothing for formality as it is. He's a romantic, poetic spirit, and the man was going to wait in line a while to see him, and he was going to keep it short. Lets call him Eddie (as that's his name).
"Ray!" he said at the front of the line, finally. "I figured out why "The Night Before Christmas" is the most famous Christmas poem! I can tell it to you in less than a minute!!!"
A man who believed himself to have discovered the greater meaning to "T'was The Night Before Christmas" as well as the key to its essential and lasting popularity went to see Ray Bradbury speak in L.A. If you don't know who Ray Bradbury is, he's...well, Ray Bradbury - one of the greatest living American authors who's written some of the coolest stories I've ever read. He's getting on, as the English would say, now in his late 80's, and so is something of a living legend. He is eccentric, but, as legen has it, an amiable fellow.
And this man wanted to share his discovery with Bradbury. Why not? Ray's nothing for formality as it is. He's a romantic, poetic spirit, and the man was going to wait in line a while to see him, and he was going to keep it short. Lets call him Eddie (as that's his name).
"Ray!" he said at the front of the line, finally. "I figured out why "The Night Before Christmas" is the most famous Christmas poem! I can tell it to you in less than a minute!!!"
<------At which point it should be known that Bradbury looks like this.
Bradbury stared angrily into the eyes of Eddie.
"Oh, you're a big man aren't you!? You know more than the rest of us don't you!? You're Mr. Bigshot aren't you!!!?? Everybody look out for Mr. Bigshot over here!!!"
He rang out. Eddie stood there, withering - his spirit shattering like a pocelain vase. Shocked confused and remorseful for no reason he had any idea of. Eddie turned and walked toward the exit and into the snow in silence with the feeling of Bradbury's eyes burning holes into his back.
Eddie did not give up. Months later Eddie went to see Bradbury speak again. He sat right in front and, when questions were opened, raised his hand during a patch of long empty silence. He raised it politely and held it. Bradbury refused to look at him.
Imagine an experience like this. Imagine someone you admire in the public sphere, who you'd wait an hour just to speak with for a moment, offering them something like a new take on a classic beatles somg, and them slamming down their pen, standing up, and shouting "WELL! Bill friggen shakespere! Glad to meet you! HEY EVERYBODY! GET A LOAD OF THIS! WE GOT A REAL DAMNED GENIUS IN OUR MIDST!"
Acutally, there's no replicating the brilliance of Bradbury's actual response to Eddie's actual introduction. He had a take on a classic Christmas poem, and he was excited to share it in brief, and Ray Bradbury is not simply annoyed, he is disgusted at Eddie's ego. It defies my discussion. It's just plain utterly hilarious to imagine this completely un-expected conflict taking place. Anyway, it'll make me laugh for days yet to come, I'm sure. For me, it'd be something like waving to Bono on the band's walk to the 360 stage, and watching Bono fly me the bird and say "Right there, buddy." and keep on going. Here's hoping I can avoid that this July.
By Dave Beauchene
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