Review: Christina Aguilera - Bionic

Cue the Lady Gaga impersonations. You would expect this kind of thing out of Rihanna and Miley Cyrus, who have already taken a crack at the Marilyn Manson / Catwoman outfits with techno tunes about being "fierce" or "independent" or whatever the current crop of pop divas are in to these days. But Christina Aguilera? Someone who was around when Clinton was still in office and Britney Spears's sister wasn't even an after thought - let alone a mother? Can we really take her seriously, after shape shifting from teen idol, to dirrrty girl, to jazz temptress? Can all this new leather and sadomasochistic tendencies, along with glitter synths and glitzy beats on her latest effort, Bionic, bring back the new car smell of a decade ago?


The answer, with a resounding thud, is no. Aguilera still likes to tease the boys with songs about getting drunk and kissing girls even at times forgoing the foreplay to simply demand the boys(z) to take their clothes off, but she does so while restricting her bombastic vocal styling. Always give Christina credit for having a set of pipes that helped her to stick out in the thick stew of late 90s teen acts. But here she buries her voice under gaudy amounts of techno and fuzz making her nothing more than a mediocre Gaga rip off at best.

The first half of the album is nothing but interchangeable and forgettable songs about good times, alcohol binges and orgies. Aguilera claims to be a prima dona on the song of the same name, but you can't help but laugh at the half assed attempt at "strong woman hood". The remaining segments of Bionic are sappy ballads filled with laughably cheesy ad libs and titles like "Sex For Breakfast" which features the classic line "When the morning comes I know I will too". Uh... yum?

Grade: D