Review: The King's Speech
"Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas"
At the core of the “Happy Holidays” vs “Merry Christmas” dilemma, I believe, resides a very telling indicator on the nature of consideration for others. The question, for instance, that I have heard many people ask for years on the side of “Merry Christmas” is,
Is it really going to offend anyone?
Harry Potter is For Everyone (But Mostly Kids)
Anytime someone has asked me whether I read Harry Potter, the answer that comes to mind (but which I never outloud deliver) is always the same: No. I'm a grownup.
Bullying - What to Do
There's been a lot of attention in the news lately over bullying. It's a bunch of crap. Not the bullying; the coverage - as though bullying has just recently, and very suddenly, become pandemic.
The Jersey Shore - Get Over It
Almost universally not awesome.I can't imagine a more useless criticism than enthusiasticaly hating The Jersey Shore. Have you ever met anyone that liked The Jersey Shore? Not ironically; really liked it. I'm talking with purest sincerity. I'll bet you a million dollars that you haven't.
Cedar Point & Vince
So we went to Cedar Point over the weekend. If you're unfamiliar, Cedar Point is to roller coasters what Michael Jordan is to sock collecting (he's a 7 time world champion, for the record).
127 Hours and When Enough is Enough
I wonder if I've got more imagination than average people. I've never thought so. The relentlous promotion of a strong imagination throughout childhood always seemed awkward to me.
"Buried", Can It Be Exciting
So there's this movie coming out called "Buried" where Ryan Reynolds plays a man who's been buried alive. The big question that's been surrounding the film is, can a movie shot entirely within a buried box manage to be exciting? I'd just like to respond by saying, no
6 Movie Gimmicks That Need to Stop Earning Praise
We've all got the innate right to enjoy a movie for whatever stupid reasons we please. Absolutely. What becomes problematic, however, is when we get to thinking a movie is good or great for nothing but those stupid reasons; when we haven't enjoyed a flick so much as bought a gimmick, and in the world of valuable gimmicks, the following rule with a big, stupid, iron fist. Classic Nickelodeon - The Definition
So I'm preparing for a solid month of only classic Nickelodeon shows. If that phrase brought to mind anything that originated later than 1994, get out of my note right now. You don't understand.
Justin Bieber - Fighting the Hate
As an adult, you try to be better than your most obvious opinions. Having spent the entirety of your teen years engulfed by the perceptions of your various demographics, in all their blunt, useless intensity (for instance: N'Sync Sucks! or Kubrick is GOD!) you make a conscious effort to avoid extremity on issues that don't really matter. And I have made that effort. And I have failed. I hate Justin Beiber. I really, really, really hate Justin Beiber. I mean it.
The Challenge of Writing For Pay
So I might have a gig, writing humor (or entertainment, or narrative shorts) for a "gentleman's magazine" based out of Colorodo. Then again, I might simply have a terrific shot at a craigslist freelance writing scam. It's hard to tell, really.
The Three Worst Words in the English Language
For the past 21 years of my life, I've watched the same terrible, unavoidable tragedy occur. Every summer, no later than, say, June 20th, do the signs go up - the commercials start appearing - the pencils and binders and backpacks begin littering the forefront of stores. I keep hearing that same, awful, evil phrase: Back to School.
3 Ninjas - Lifelong Inspiration Back when I was in elementary, taking karate lessons made you just about the coolest kid in the world. This had primarily to do with the martial arts saturation of kid-popular-culture at the time, specifically through the term "ninja". Yeah, ya know the spike in popularity that ninjas have recieved over the past few years in young adults? The seed was planted in us by the early nineties.
LCD Soundsystem Doesn't Do Hits - Maybe
When LCD Soundsystem sings that "You wanted a hit - But maybe we don't do hits" on their tune "You Wanted a Hit" you get the feeling that there's got to be more to the lyrics than the obvious.
Review: Inception
An admission: I am not smart enough for Inception. I'm not. I spent the majority of the movie vaguely oriented by the meaning of various instances (I think), and I can't rightfully hold that against the movie. The Pirates of the Carribean sequels confused the hell out of me; what chance did I have with Inception?
David Fincher's "Social Network" - The Most Annoying Movie Trailer in Years
Honestly, I have no problem with a movie about facebook, at all. In fact, when I heard that Fincher was doing a movie about facebook I thought, yeah, alright, go for it. I mean, it's about time the thing be discussed in art, right? It could be funny, insightful - the moment of at least mild reflection that society always needs when caught up in something new.
Review: Predators
I wonder if there was ever any future for the Predator franchise. Honestly, how else could it be done but for how it was the first time? Bunch of macho or willey dudes out in the jungle being taken down one at a time by an unknown, uh, er, predator. Hoverboards - The Greatest Thing That Never Was
Ask anyone between the ages of 18 and, say, 30, what the one toy is that they hoped to have had but never existed is, and you’ll almost invariably receive the same answer
Ludacris' "Sex Room" - Funniest Song of The Year
Undoubtedly the funniest song currently on the radio is the new Ludacris tune "Sex Room", combining the avid sensuality of Marvin Gaye with all the subtelty of a head-on 18 wheeler collision
M. Night Shyamalan's Worst Failure Yet in "Last Airbender"
M Night Shyamalan has dutifully proven that you can stay in Hollywood forever, as long as you have one amazing, hugely successful debut film. Dutifully.
"The Simpsons" to "Family Guy" - The Sad Cultural Shift
I don't get it when people laugh at the severe expense of other people. Honestly. It doesn't send me into cross-eyed suspended animation, as laughter is never hard to get an empathetic breeze off of, and of course laughter must sometimes come at the expense of other people, but in losses of pocket change. I can't laugh at bankruptcy.
Review: Toy Story 3
I don't know what's wrong with me. Every summer I do the same thing: look forward to a handful of live action films that turn out just narrowly worth my coin, and put off seeing the latest Pixar movie, despite knowing it will be, technically, probably the best movie of the year.
Review: Knight and Day
To understand why I have to give Knight and Day a 6.5 out of 10, rather than what all Tom Cruise movies innately deserved (an estimated 143 out of 10) I will need to discuss some important elements of cinema which tend to contribute to good or great films.
Review: Karate Kid
"The Karate Kid" knows everything it has to do in order to effectively reproduce the meaning of the original picture. Everything. It just doesn't know exactly how to do them.
8 Famous Quotes - That Don't Make Any Sense
The Second Era of Disco
I don't know what point there is in criticising or calling for reform of the current identity of pop music. It is not, for example, as though top 40 was music any better in 1999 because no one was using synthesizers - or they were, but not so you could hear it.
Katy Perry and that Stupid California SongI'm not much for that new Katy Perry song, and by not much I mean that I really hate that new Katy Perry song.Tom Cruise and The Black Eyed Peas (The Conundrum)
So in case you haven't heard (and are therefor woefully uninformed of important world events) Tom Cruise showed up at Black Eyed Peas concert very recently. Not to it; in it - on stage. Singing.
Preference As Fact - The Nickelback Phenomenon
It can be truly hard, sometimes, to respect artistic preference as a matter of subjecticity. Truly hard. As Rob says in High Fidelity, how can it be bullshit to state a preference? And as Barry responds, when it's the wrong preference, then it's bullshit
Review: MacGruber
MacGruber was pretty good, for what it was. I know that term is constantly being used to answer for the fact that the critic is talking about the four hundred and twelfth movie of the year they've felt nothing much about, but it seems to fit McGruber especially well.
Horror Movies are not Fun
You know what there aren't enough of? Fun horror movies. Not unless you're totally fractured upstairs - and I hold to that qualification. I refuse to budge on it. If your idea of a good time is watching a bunch of fictional people be brutalized and murdered, get help. Don't stop until you find it. You're not right.
The Dark Knight vs. Batman Returns
I don’t think there’s much point debating which Batman movie is the best (especially if you’ve got any kind of life) even if you’ve been less than enamored with the most recent incarnation.
The Shining - A New Understanding
Creator of the now epically succesful cult-classic (and alleged worst film ever) "The Room", Tommy Wiseau has said that he is not bothered by his movie's, eh hem, less than intended reception - that The Room is about getting a response from an audience, and if that response is to laugh (as it is at least 99.9% of the time) then that's great.
Review: An Education
The point of a favorite artist is not that they make sense of one thing in particular, consciously, but that they seem to make sense of pretty much everything, innately, in each and every line of their work. So I wasn't sure what to expect of my favorite literary author's first screenplay, in movie form.
Ebert - Video Games Are Not ArtIn a new Journal post, Roger Ebert defends his long implied opinion that video games cannot be art, which means, of course, that Roger Ebert is too busy playing Bingo and being enthralled with Matlock to bother with, I don't know; what's the current Best Game Ever? Anyway, he's strictly speaking from the point of view of the generationally marginalized.
The "Interactive" Teaching Method
I've never really enjoyed French class, mostly because French teachers tend to employ the "interactive" method of classroom teaching, also known as the "blind terror" approach. How this strategy works, is the professor says something very elaborate in French, and raises their voice at the end of it, thus prompting the student to sweat worse than people in gatorade commercials.
Cool As Ice: A Picture Of Cultural Insanity
"Cool as Ice" is almost as awesome as you'd hope it would be. That is unless you've never heard of "Cool as Ice" and therefor never created such soaring expectations. In that case, "Cool as Ice" is the Vanilla Ice movie. Yeah, remember Vanilla Ice? Well they made a movie specifically for him and it's called "Cool as Ice". Surely you must see the profound possibilties in that.
Philosophy - killing more brain cells than a brain cell seeking misile.
Colbert Report vs. The Daily Show
Katy Perry's "California Gurls" - A Devious Warpath of An Album, and a Grammy Nomine
I've been experiencing some writer's block lately, or, anyway, writer's disinterest, so far as it concerns my little facebook notes. Luckily Katy Perry's "California Gurls" (or however its spelled) has been nominated for several grammys, a cosmic event I feel it is impossible not to discuss for it's profound hilarity.
